Victorian Mourning Customs By Jane Marie

While the subject of mourning is generally not a popular topic, if looked at from an educational standpoint and removing the emotion, it can be very interesting.  In my historical suspense novel, Velvet Undertow, the second in The Goodbye Lie, Fernandina Fancy series, the subject of mourning and/or respect that the practice represents, arises because, sadly, dying is part of everyday living.  With life expectancy much lower than today, the acquaintance of death was more frequent in late Victorian times.  If my stories are to be believable, I must accurately depict the customs of the period.

In my research, I've discovered drugs and pain killers were not encouraged on the death bed so the profound last words of the dying could be remembered.  

Queen Victoria of England, who ruled the British empire from 1837 to 1901, was so stricken by the death of her beloved husband, Prince Albert in 1861, she mourned him for forty years, never moving the objects in his room from where they were when he died.  She went so far as to include a bust or image of him in every photograph or painting she was in.  During those sad times, Victoria developed a particular etiquette on the subject of death and not only her subjects do likewise, but Americans of the time also followed the traditions she established.

The first stage of mourning, lasted one year and one day for widows and parents.  Some, like Queen Victoria, mourned the rest of their lives and always wore black. 

Widows wore dresses of plain black or of fabric without shine or any embellishments of any kind.  Often dresses were dyed black if a new black second wardrobe was not financially practical.  These gowns were covered with crepe (crape) material.  Occasionally, a seamstress would take advantage of the short notice required for making a mourning gown and an excessive amount of crepe might be used to increase the cost of a garment for the hapless sufferer.

Since people might only own one or two dark dresses, an ample supply of spare black and/or white collars and cuffs was needed.  A mother might wear a white collar with her black dress to represent the innocence of a lost child.

Head coverings consisted of black or white mourning caps, plain doilies, and unadorned bonnets with veils, long in the back and short in the front.  These hid the woman's face from prying eyes.

Dull black kid or silk gloves, fans, and parasols with no trim were carried. Mantles or capes of black or dark fur muffs were used to keep warm.

Black ribbon was stitched to underwear.  Black cashmere, silk, or cotton stockings and petticoats were worn under the skirts.

White hankies edged with black were used.  The longer the mourning, the wider the edging.

Widowers wore black armbands and dark suits for a year.  Since men's everyday suits were often black or dark, they were generally able to wear their regular clothes.  A seven inch black hatband was worn upon the death of a wife.  When a man's father or male child passed away, his black hatband was five inches.

Jewelry, such as a mourning brooch depicting an ivy leaf representing remembrance or a dove representing the hereafter, was crafted from lusterless black jet made of coal.  Less expensive imitation jet was often used for buttons, earbobs, and hatpins, etc.

Lockets might contain a picture or drawing of the person along with a lock of their hair.  Those with good eyes might make necklaces or bracelets from the deceased's hair.  Hair jewelry represented life since hair was thought to continue growing after death.  Hair was also be woven into a basket or some sort of framed picture as a remembrance.  Pink or blue bows or trim might be added to signify a male or female loved one.

Sometimes small tokens such as a cross or skull were given out at the funeral as a reminder of the loss.

Carriages during mourning were plain black and left unadorned. 

Black wreaths with black ribbons hung on the front door.  Mirrors might be covered with black cloth.  Special funeral teapots were used, and death masks revered. 

Parent's mourning for children lasted only  nine months for the sake of other children.   Generally, children under 15 were not required to mourn, but some did wear back trim on their dresses and suits and hatbands.  Girls under 17 never wore crepe.  

Other family members wore no signs of mourning unless they actually lived in the same household as the deceased.  Grandparents were in deep mourning for three months.  Sisters and brothers mourned for six months.  Aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews mourned for three months, wearing no crepe or mourning caps.  Great aunts and uncles mourned for three months with no crepe.  First cousins mourned for six weeks, and in-laws were one month.

Servants wore mourning if directed by the head of the household or if it was the head of the household who had died.  Their mourning usually lasted six months to one year.

There sometimes was a second mourning that lasted for another twelve months.  Restrictions were lifted somewhat.  Black was worn with no mourning cap, and skirts were not covered in crepe.  Rather, black crepe might mildly embellish a gown in tucks or folds.  Dresses could be detailed with black embroidery and beading as long as the beads did not sparkle.  If a veil was still worn, it would be of a lighter weight black fabric.

The half mourning period came after the deep and/or second mourning and lasted six months.  Dark gray, deep lavender, deep burgundy and deep purple as well as black were worn.  Dresses could be detailed with black embroidery and beading as long as the beads did not sparkle.

No socializing was done before a funeral.  Widows were basically homebound for that first year and a day deep mourning period.  A widow would send out notes of thanks to persons attending the funeral, giving flowers or food or helping in some manner.  Once these notes were received, it meant the widow was up to having visitors.  These visitors would often wear black themselves.  When a widow no longer wore a veil of deep mourning and dark dresses replaced the black, attending the theater was permitted, even encouraged to lighten the spirits.

Widowers were to stay in seclusion for a year.  They reentered society much more swiftly and easily than widows.

Simple coffins lined with white satin were preferred.  These sometimes had silver handles.  The deceased man was dressed in his own clothing.  A woman was dressed in a dark shroud.  Children wore white, often cashmere.  The more wealthy Victorian family might show their love as well as their riches by having a large monument erected on the family plot.

Although customs have altered, the heavy sense of loss of a loved one will never change.  The human heart has a need and great capacity for mourning.