Roman rings of betrothal were created from iron and stood for the permanence of marriage.  Often an exchange of property of some sort passed from the husband-to-be to the parents of his future bride.  Since the bride’s family was losing their daughter, this property was compensation for that loss.  The original Roman name for the intent of the engagement ring is arrhae, which translates into “earnest money.”  What remains of this transaction today is the request from a groom for a woman’s hand in marriage. 

The Anglo-Saxon custom of betrothal took place when the bridegroom broke a personal possession of great value in two, keeping one piece and giving the other to the bride’s father.  When this broken token was replaced by the engagement ring is not exactly known.  It is thought the ring originally given to the bride was “re-given” at the wedding ceremony.

In 860 A.D., Pope Nicholas declared a ring of engagement was required to help define a groom’s purpose.  And no frivolous ring would do.  The ring was to be made from gold and its cost was to be a financial sacrifice for the bridegroom.  

In that same period, it became the norm for a man to forfeit the ring to his fiancée should he change his mind.  The Church took the breaking of the marriage proposal very seriously and went so far as to ex-communicate those involved, and maybe even their parents - if not on a permanent basis, then for several years.  Women who changed their minds might have been ordered to a nunnery to live out their lives!  That “death do us part” in the vows began long before the actual ceremony.

In medieval days, three rings were placed on the bride’s fingers to symbolize the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Archduke Maximillian of Hamburg offered Mary of Burgundy a diamond engagement ring in 1477.  The Venetians carried on the custom in the 1500s when they discovered that a diamond was the hardest substance in nature, thereby symbolizing enduring love and devotion.  Since the diamonds were usually set in gold or silver, their excessive cost limited their acceptance.  But by the 1600s, the tradition, at least in Europe, had been established.

During the Elizabethan period, 1558 to 1603, a gimmal ring was sometimes given, but it was actually a set of three interlocking rings.  While engaged, the bride-to-be, the groom-to-be, and a close friend or witness each wore one.  On the wedding day, the three rings were placed on the bride’s finger to form a single ring.  However, if a single ring was given to the bride-to-be, it was placed on her right hand until her wedding day when it was changed to her left hand. 

If Victorian men did offer an engagement ring, which was not always the case, it usually had a gemstone of some sort.  This engagement ring was removed from the bride’s finger for the wedding ceremony and replaced after the wedding band to “stand guard” over it. 

 Wedding & Engagement

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The groom must decide if he will purchase a new engagement ring or give his bride-to-be a family heirloom.  An engagement ring is not a financial investment that is likely to yield a profit, but rather a gift.  Lower quality stones can look terrific without destroying the new couples' budget.

It is suggested that couples spend no more than three weeks' salary or approximately 6% of their annual income, though diamond industry advertisements are now urging two months' salary! 

The couple or the groom-to-be should visit several jewelry stores before making a final decision as to which ring to buy, concentrating on style, workmanship, quality and, of course, price.  Check out a jeweler’s credentials, determining if he or she is a member of the American Gem Society since members are required to maintain high standards and attend continuing education programs.  Many jewelers have complimentary sizing, cleaning and tightening of the setting up to the end of the first year after purchase.

A diamond solitaire looks well with any number of wedding bands, but this "tradition" really came into being in the 1930s when Hollywood press agents were paid to get jewelry into movies and onto actresses' fingers. 

In the United States, the most popular metal for an engagement ring is 14 karat gold (14 parts gold and 10 parts of another metal.  Silver alone is rarely used because it is too soft and tarnishes.  Platinum, used before World War I, is once again on the “A” list, and nearly 1/3 of brides wear platinum engagement rings.  Some brides decide to wear their birthstone or a favorite gemstone alone or with diamonds*.

Trends (2004) from Professional Jeweler Magazine 

most popular - ring with a center and side stones

35% chose a solitaire

10% prefer pavé 
(a great way to get a fabulous look and keep the cost down)
 

Whatever decisions are made with regard to the kind of engagement ring given, then as now, all “better things” were and are sealed with a kiss.

*Sadly, it is now considered wise to determine a diamond's country of origin before you make a purchase.  Some unscrupulous political and military leaders have been plundering their countries' diamonds at a terrible and bloody cost to their fellow citizens.  Ask your jeweler for more information about blood or conflict diamonds.

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